The scent of Shadow

Last year our dog Shadow died of lymphoma. One of his favorites things was to cool off in a creek that runs behind our house after his walks. Yesterday I was mowing the lawn, it was very hot and humid and the smells in the air were dense. As I was cutting the grass traces of how Shadow smelt kept coming to me. I could not figure out why this was, I think at one point I wondered if the ground had absorbed his smell since he loved spending time in the back yard as well, but as I got closer to the edge of the yard I realized it was the creek that I was getting faint whiffs of while mowing the lawn, that Shadow’s scent and the creek were the same at times.

It was nice though, to have memories of Shadow come back to me, but sad as well, for often when I think about him I think of how he looked at me in his last moments of life. He knew, I think, that he was dying. I still question if we should have put him through the treatments of chemotherapy that he had or to have simply let nature take its course. If I had to do it all again, knowing what I know now, I would have done it differently. I would have focused more on strengthening his immune system so his body could naturally fight the disease, and I feel so very sorry that I did not do this for him, as his guardian. I hope that if a dog’s soul is re-incarnated that his will return as a happy young boy.

I have been trying to draw him for a while now, I have started about 10 sketches of him already, but none have the look that I wish I could capture. Maybe I will go sit at the edge of the creek and try again.

shadow.jpg

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3 thoughts on “The scent of Shadow

  1. You loved Shadow very much, and the treatments for his cancer were given out of that love. He knows that. I only wish I had a chance to know Shadow, too. :) He seems to have been a wonderful dog, and
    I would love to see some of your sketches of him.

  2. Thank you for sharing about Shadow here. I know the pain of losing our furry family and about them having cancer and the feeling of not being able to help as I’ve experienced something similar with our kitties Jezebel and Virginia several years ago. They had a rare form of cancer and went pretty quickly.

    I hope that you are able to get those sketches done – for you since I feel that can be a form of healing for us.

    Your love of Shadow speaks loud and clear and I know that Shadow is there with you in mind and spirit and most of all in your heart.

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